


sept, huit, neuf (nothing else matters)

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, this is like my junhao fic damn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 12:43:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: i try and try and trybut it might not be enough(then stop trying, love)





	sept, huit, neuf (nothing else matters)

**Author's Note:**

> me: [doesn't do anything for 2 months]  
> me: [comes back with 2k worth of angst]
> 
> sounds about right

_**un** _

“Where’s Mark hyung?”

“Mark hyung—” Donghyuck rolls his eyes as soon as he sits down. “—is _too busy_ , apparently.”

Chenle makes a sympathetic clucking sound, whereas the others only laugh at him. Donghyuck pouts, slapping Jisung’s shoulder lightly. “Don’t make fun of me! What if _your_ boyfriend ignored you?”

Renjun only rolls his eyes as Jisung lets out a petulant whine and the beginning of a _what do you mean leave me Chenle will never leave me right Chenle right_ spiel. “Chenle would never leave the dumb noodle boy,” he snorts. “But you, on the other hand; are you okay?”

“I mean—I guess,” Donghyuck shrugs. He tries—he really does—but fails not to look disappointed when he eyes the door again and comes up with nothing. “He’s not, like, the most important thing in here, right?”

Jaemin nods gravely. “Right,” he says. “ _I’m_ the most important thing here.”

Groans and snickers follow, putting them back into the good mood from before. Mark isn’t the reason he lives or anything—he’s just Mark, the boy he loves.

He looks at the double doors one more time, almost expecting Mark to walk in at _any time now_. And one more time, he tries not to be disappointed.

He smiles, turning to Renjun in answer to a question thrown at him.

He’s fine.

(He tries, he really does.)

 

**_deux_ **

Donghyuck finally catches Mark alone after a few breakneck days of schedules. Promotions were coming up, and everyone had been working their asses off in preparation. _Mark_  in particular had been one of the most busy.

“Ah, I’m so tired,” Donghyuck whines as he flops down on Mark’s bed. Should he move back in with him? Maybe not, considering how badly they fought before—

“Yeah,” Mark mutters distractedly, pulling on a leather jacket that shows off his broad frame. He runs his hand through his hair, forehead creased and backpack hanging off his shoulder. “So tired.”

“Hey, are you—are you _leaving_?” Donghyuck asks incredulously. “We literally just got back from practice.” He leaps to his feet, scrambling in front of his boyfriend.

“Uh, yeah—I have to meet the producer to talk about the lyrics—” Mark tries to sidestep Donghyuck, only to be blocked once again.

“But—hyung—”

“Could you _move_?” Mark hisses, glaring Donghyuck in the eye.

Donghyuck freezes, and he slowly _looks_ at Mark, the look where you can feel what the other person is thinking, what the other person is feeling; the look that tells you that you fucked up. Only that Mark doesn’t seem to understand.

“Thank you,” he huffs as he pushes past Donghyuck. “Go to sleep or something. Don’t be stupid.”

After he leaves, Donghyuck just stares at the place where Mark stood before.

_Could you move?_

Like he had been some great burden to Mark, like Mark couldn’t wait to be rid of him.

And he tries, he tries, he _tries,_  but he feels his heart sinking like an anchor.

 

**_trois_ **

Donghyuck walks down the hallway of doors leading to practice rooms, following Chenle’s own excited footsteps. Chenle is “escorting” him, apparently, though Donghyuck had laughed and complained that he did not need one, thank you very much.

(“I wanna see the hyungs,” Chenle insisted. “Hang out with the swag squad, you know?”

“Please never say that ever again.”)

127’s practice room is the epitome of boisterous as they approach. Loud voices can be heard even from outside, paired with the occasional shriek every now and then. It seems like Donghyuck is a tad bit late.

“—and yeah, I mean—I love Hyuck but can he lay off on the PDA?”

Donghyuck pauses. Stops. Rewinds.

_Mark?_

They can hear some laughter and murmured agreements. Mark’s voice continues. “He’s too clingy. I get tired sometimes even.”

Chenle’s eyes flit to Donghyuck, and he clearly sees his distress. His lips are pressed into a thin, trembling line, his eyes shaking and hands curled into fists. Chenle makes a calming sort of humming sound, hands coming up to wrap around his shoulders.

“That’s too bad now,” he coos, unlike his normal bubbly dolphin self. “He’s too bad—don’t listen to him, sweetheart.”

But Donghyuck _does_ , even though he tries not to. He can only hear an unending symphony of _too clingy_ _lay off the PDA I get tired sometimes even lay off get tired_ ** _could you move_** _?_

“Would you guys stop?” Ten’s voice snaps from inside the room. “You shouldn’t complain about your own boyfriends when _you_ dated them in the first place.” He sounds pissed but tired. “I’m leaving.”

The door flings open to reveal the Thai. His eyes fall on them, and he smiles a little. “Hey, Lele—let’s go see the Dreamies, eh?” He casts Donghyuck a resigned, pitying look. “They’re waiting for you.”

Donghyuck doesn’t look at Mark the entire practice.

 

**_quatre_ **

Eyes blearily blinking open at the sound of Taeyong nagging, Donghyuck reaches for his phone. He faintly registers Taeyong screeching and Jaehyun groaning, trying to shut him up.

His eyes land on the date, and he bolts up straight.

“Hyung!” He squeals. “Hyung, it’s our anniversary today!” Taeyong and Jaehyun share a knowing look, the latter huffing a laugh. “Well go shower and get to school, because you sure as hell don’t have time to celebrate now.”

Taeyong clicks his tongue. “Let the boy be happy, you lazy oaf. Go on, Hyuckie—you can tell him along the subway.”

It’s their anniversary; they should celebrate, argument be damned.

 

Donghyuck does _not_ tell him on the train ride, but his classmates sense his ecstatic mood anyway. Even the teachers take notice.

(“We know you just had your newest comeback, but there’s no use trying to rub it in your trainee classmates’ faces,” Mrs Chae laughs. The rest of the class jokingly jeers at him while he blushes. He was most definitely _not_.)

As soon as the lunch bell rings, he plops down on Mark’s lap for the whole school to see. Mark’s friends make faces at the blatant show of impoliteness. “Gay,” one of them mutters. “It really is none of your business, Johnald,” Donghyuck says sweetly.

“Hyuck,” Mark threatens, but without a trace of malice. The said boy merely giggles. “Oh shut up; it’s the 17th, Mark.”

“And?” Mark snorts. “Is there anything important?”

Donghyuck stiffens. “It’s _May_ ,” he says slowly, pleading silently with his eyes.

When Mark doesn’t show any semblance to understanding anytime soon, Donghyuck slowly looks down in defeat. He lets the pin drop.

“It’s our anniversary,” he says quietly. Sadly.

One of the boys whisper an “oh shit”; Donghyuck glares at him bitterly. He moves to get off Mark, lower lip trembling. He’s not the type to cry, no, but he isn’t the type to love so freely either, so freely and so deeply.

Now look where it’s gotten him.

Mark grabs his arm. “Hyuck—”

A sudden anger overtakes Donghyuck, and he rips his arm away. “Fucking hell, Mark, how do you expect me to stick around? I’m the only one pushing this goddamn train wreck, and you’re inside with a glass of juice or something!”

Mark’s eyes flash with indignation, “Just hear me out, Hyuck,” he says, an edge in his voice.

And maybe Donghyuck is dumb. Maybe he’s a coward who doesn’t want to see reason.

(Maybe, just maybe, he’s afraid Mark will tell him that he’s tired of him. That he doesn’t have time for him anymore.)

So he rips out his arm from Mark’s hold, and storms out of the cafeteria.

 

**_cinq_ **

The hyungs see it, of course—they’ve been through a fair share of their arguments. Everyone has been walking on eggshells, sensing the tension between them.

They know better than to ask, though; so it stays like a dead rat below the carpet—obviously there, but no person willing nor brave enough to bring it back out.

 

They’re so busy that it doesn’t matter at this point, anyways.

They bow, shouting a last “we are NCT!” before loping down the stage steps with a bounce in their steps. Everyone’s exhausted and sweaty and they know even more work will be piled on them soon enough but fuck are they _happy._

Donghyuck in particular is grinning the most of all. He slings his hands around Chenle and Jisung, laughing along as Chenle does that endearing dolphin laugh he always does.

They collapse into their respective waiting rooms, some saying a short goodbye and promising to be quick. Donghyuck finds himself with 127 this time around, Taeyong ruffling his hair and praising him. “You did good out there, Hyuck.”

It’s not everyday one gets praised by the immaculate perfectionist Lee Taeyong, and Donghyuck is determined to treasure this. he smiles, ever ready to please. “Thanks, h—”

“Mark-yah, you okay there?”

It’s the _worried Doyoung voice_ , which means the situation does not bode well. _And it’s Mark_ , an unwelcome voice in Donghyuck’s head says. _It’s Mark and he’s in danger and oh god, he’s going to die isn’t he—_

“I’m okay, hyung,” comes Mark’s voice and shit, it sounds too fragile, too tired, like Mark is on the edge of breaking.

 _No he’s not no he’s not no he’s not no he is_ **_not_**.

“You sure, kiddo? You don’t sound okay right now,” Taeyong has his eyes trained on Mark too, mouth slack and ready to call out for help. “Yeah, hyung, I’m just—”

A _thump_ sounds, followed by a stunned silence.

 

_I can’t._

 

**_six_ **

Donghyuck has felt fear.

He has been scared—when his exams came back and there’s one too many failed ones; he has felt terror—when the managers threaten to tell the CEO about all the rules he’s broken.

Nothing has ever quite compared to this.

 

**_sept, huit, neuf (everything else)_ **

Donghyuck is running, dropping down beside Mark before he even knows what he’s doing.

“Hyung— _fuck_ , don’t fucking pass out on me!” Donghyuck hisses. Tears come to his eyes and he’s sorry. He’s sorry, he’s _sorry_ , goddamnit, why isn’t Mark waking up?

“Hyuck, come on, they need to check on him,” someone soothes, tugging him away softly.

A fuzzy sort of silence grips his throat and sits him down, something akin to phantom goosebumps settling on his shoulders. It’s cold, cold and stone heavy. Unwelcome.

_He should have tried harder._

 

Mark wakes up.

He’s hasn’t even been out that long, maybe a sound fifteen minutes, but Donghyuck is nothing short of relieved anyway. He makes an excited sound and dashes to Mark’s side like an overeager idiot.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Donghyuck asks for the umpteeth time. “Do you feel dizzy? Tired?”

“Yes, Jesus, you’re so overbearing,” Mark says, rolling his eyes. _Teenage boys._

“Well I just—I just _wanted_ to make _sure_ ,” Donghyuck mutters, looking down. “I was worried…”

“I’m _fine_ , Hyuck,” Mark says. His teeth are gritted as he swings his bag over his shoulder, making to follow the hyungs out to the waiting cars. “Don’t worry so much.”

_It’s just dumb teenage hormones._

Donghyuck doesn’t let up. “Hyung, you just _passed out_. You’re working too hard for a kid your age—”

Mark turns to face him.

“ _‘You’re working too hard for a kid your age’_ ,” Mark parrots in a mocking tone. “What do you know about it, huh? You know you’re younger than me? Who gives _you_ the right to boss me around and talk to me like that?”

Donghyuck stares at him disbelievingly. “Who gives me the right to do this? _Who_? I’m your _boyfriend_.”

“Yeah, well _boyfriends_ don’t condescend their significant others—”

“Then I’ll be your friend!” Donghyuck interrupts. “I’ll be your friend and tell you how fucking _stupid_ you’re being right now!”

“You’re being stupid as well!” Mark snaps. “Just stop worrying about me! Aren’t you still upset about your dumb anniversary bullshit? Would you just continue to care about yourself and fuck _off_ ,” he spits venomously.

That _hurt._

“You’re fucking mean, you know that,” Donghyuck says bitterly, dropping all traces of anger. His voice becomes a choked off thing as he continues, “I just wanted—wanted to say that I’m sorry for that stupid outburst, but—but you don’t even want that.

“Yeah, it was our one year, but it didn’t—it didn’t even mean that much—no, wait, i’m lying,” he pauses to sniff and blink back tears. A scoffing sort of laugh bubbles in his throat.

“It _did_ mean a lot to me, but—but it doesn’t hold a candle to this—this _thing_ today. And I tried so hard—I swear—”

Donghyuck rubs his eyes harshly with his hands, like a little kid would. They still mid-rub, pressing back as he sobs. Jesus, he’s stupid. He should have just let it go when he could have.

Then warm arms are holding him, an embrace so familiar he would know it in death itself.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” the owner says. He presses his lips against his hair as Donghyuck cries into his chest. “I’m so, so sorry, Hyuck. I was being stupid—you were right, I was. I was being a jerk to you and the others; I made everyone worry when they should have been excited, I made you sad when you should have been happy, and I’ve just been a shitty friend, and an even shittier boyfriend.”

Donghyuck rests his face into the crook of his neck. “Yeah, you’ve been a shitty person,” he laughs wetly. Mark laughs softly as well.

“You didn’t have to try so hard,” he mutters after a while, and Donghyuck has to think before he realises that Mark meant the last part of his little speech. He flushes a bit.

“What do you mean?”

“You shouldn’t have to kept on trying when you were tired of me or anything. You didn’t have to put up with my bullshit, just break it when you need to.”

And Donghyuck is too tired to talk, so he holds on tighter on Mark, and doesn’t let go.

**Author's Note:**

> hng was this too overblown? comments and all that are welcome.
> 
> (if y'all got the hamilton reference ily)
> 
> find me on twitter @jhans_eggroll


End file.
